C.S. Sherin
1 Feb 2021
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Hi! It is February already. Yes, we are getting through this winter!
So...funny enough, after I posted the poem about feelings last week, I ended up going through quite a moody time by the weekend.
I had to wonder if the poem had stirred some things up for me. I think it did.
It reminded me that my occasional judgment or suppression of my feelings does no one any good, particularly me. I guess sometimes I hold back a lot of frustration and anger that builds up. It may be, largely, a cultural thing that women from my era and before especially experience.
And, even so, I am not shy about voicing my anger or frustration. It's just that, so much was coming up. Perhaps there is some collective and historical energy I was tapping into? Along with that, there were feelings of strength, joy, and also stress, and then also, moments of natural grief that rose up, over deaths of family members.
The stress is just part and parcel of these times. It comes and goes. The grief, in particular, can sometimes get pushed aside in order to get work done, or out of a desire to take a break from it. So, when I worked on the poem and posted it, a lot of those subterranean emotions rose up, kind of all at once. Woah.
It was a bit much, even for me. I was hyper aware, too, of how my swirl of shifting emotions may affect my husband, as our weekends are the time we often have to really do things together, to relax, to have fun...with sufficient energy, since it is the dead of winter. But, you know what? He was understanding, patient, kind, and even kept his humor. I realized that it was me who found all the feelings randomly emerging so irksome.
Ultimately, I observed my whole uneasy process, and accepted it as such. That made things easier. That and some random activities helped me to cool my jets and allow for all of it: watching SNL, listening to music, dancing, taking a drive with my husband, making chili, making apple crisp, texting with my daughter, sitting in silence for a while with a candle--letting some gentle tears come and go for loved ones; shoveling snow, taking time to light candles for those who asked for prayers and special angels for their hardships; working on a genealogy hobby, and writing.
There was also a lot of sitting with my husband in front of the aquarium, with tea, simply being and chatting. All of it helps. My goal, though, is to really radically understand and overcome that cultural conditioning that leads me to feel so impatient and uncomfortable with unexpected waves of feelings (particularly: anger, frustration, and grief) that are sprinkled in amongst the peace, activity, love, and gratitude. I know that all of it is a wholeness of being.
The irritation and swirl of rising emotions began at the start of the weekend because I was actually feeling irritated at the poem about feelings that I had posted! Funny, huh? It needed to be further edited and reworked, and it was a persistent annoyance till I could find time to properly edit. Once I did, I felt so relieved and at peace with it. And then, all the other emotions came through...just to make sure I am walking my talk, I suppose. :) Fair enough.
So, I did rework the poem, so if you didn't get to it, I would recommend it to you now. I also inserted a short and helpful introduction to it. It is meant to be a meditative poem, so when you have 10 minutes or so of down time, check it out.
That's all for now.
Until next time, take good care of you!
all my best,
Chandra
(C. S. Sherin)
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